Shrink
by Janie3
Summary: Stefan goes to a shrink...About time he let out all his feelings. ^.^


Title: Shrink  
  
Author: Janie and Ni  
  
E-mail: SwtAzSugar46@aol.com / mhandler@ftgcorp.com  
  
Disclaimer: The Vampire Diaries and all characters C LJ Smith. If we  
  
owned them, would we walk all the way to WaWa in the freaking cold for  
  
French Vanilla?!  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: More fruit. And two  
  
sexy vampires. What more could a fangirl ask for?  
  
Warnings: Insanity. That should be warning enough.  
  
1.You might want to read our other stories, "Orange and Banana War" ,  
  
"Sweet Dreams" , "Fruit Baskets, Straight Jackets, and Italian Vampires.  
  
You Figure It Out" , and "Short Complex". You don't have to, as we don't  
  
make sense anyway, but it might help.  
  
2. Yes, we are insane.  
  
3. We love Damon. And Stefan. But this is our insanity moment. Or  
  
moments. Or eternity. Whichever you prefer.  
  
We have too much spare time today. Two in one day. what is the world  
  
coming to?  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Tell me how you feel, Mr. Salvatore."  
  
Stefan blew his nose and rested his head on the leather coach, (what is with us and leather?!) and sighed deeply.  
  
"It's a long, long story," Stefan whispered.  
  
"I have time," the psychiatrist replied.  
  
"I doubt it," Stefan whimpered.  
  
  
  
"Why don't we begin at your childhood?" the shrink suggested."What was your home like?"  
  
"My daddy had anger problems. So does my brother. Of course,Damon liked to drink and screw. And Daddy didn't like that. He wanted ascholar. But Damon didn't give a flying. banana. So they fought. I didn't like it when they fought. They were always loud and SCARY!"  
  
Stefan cried, tears running down his cheeks.  
  
  
  
"Go on," the shrink coaxed.  
  
  
  
"Well. there was this girl. Katherine. She was REALLY pretty, if not a bit of an ignorant psycho. But she was pretty. Blond hair, blue eyes. I'm very into blonds. So is my brother. In fact, he wanted Katherine AND Elena. But they wanted ME," Stefan giggled softly.  
  
  
  
"And Elena is.?" the shrink asked.  
  
  
  
"Oh, she's the other girl. Actually, she's the love of my life,er. or the second love of my life, and that's understandable, you know. I've lived a long life. But anyway, Katherine and me, we were in love,and then mean ol' Damon shows up, the bad boy he is. You know, girls just LOOOOOOVE bad boys. I just don't understand. I can give an eternity of commitment and faithfulness, but they all want HIM. He'd only give 'em sex and a day. A roll in the sack. That's all HE cares about. That  
  
and oranges, but we'll get to that later.  
  
"Anyway, Katherine and I were in love, and then Damon waltzes in, and lo and behold, she's swept away! He's SHORT. What did she see in him?! Anyways, we decided that she had to choose one of us, and she came to me one night and. oh. it was NICE. But she went to Damon TOO! That two-timing evil slut! She went to my BROTHER! Ew! That's not cool! And then she expected us to all be happy, the THREE of us, together forever! Like some twisted orgy or  
  
something!  
  
"Well, Damon and I wouldn't go for that. We hate each other. Well. Damon hates me. I don't really hate him. I just dislike him greatly. Anyway, we start fighting and he has the nerve to IMPALE me with his sword! Ugh! So then I IMPALE HIM with mine. Heh...I'm SO smart, you see, I've got the brains. Moving on. Let's go ahead 500 years and we wind up in this little boring hell hole called Fells Church. Did I mention some REAL psychos live there? And the ground is soaked with blood of dead people. SO. first day at high school-Yeah, REAL fun. Hot blond chick who happens to be a carbon copy of KATHERINE! She died by the way-Or, so I thought. Anyway, that's not important, yet. So this chick starts stalking me. Getting her little posse to help her get me. She's freaking me out, man, so I try to ignore her. But she's HOT. We get together, right? After I tell her all my.secrets. Yes, I have plenty. Shall I tell you?"  
  
The shrink nodded, confused.  
  
"Like did I tell you my brother's a crow? Oh, and a wolf! It's quite interesting. I'm a falcon.They're so pretty.It's so fun to soar through the pretty blue sky and then.kill my brother-although I've yet to accomplish that. So, anyways." Stefan paused. "He pops up in Fell's Church oh-so- conveniently! Later on we found out it wasn't under ourcontrol, we were being forced by a thought-to-be-dead- girlfriend, Katherine. Yeah, I'll get to that. So he decides, NOW he wants ELENA! Just my luck..! No fair! And this whole thing starts when I give Elena my ring.or rather, Katherine's ring. Damon gets jealous-but it was MY PRECIOUS!" Stefan grinned evilly. "Then, after he decides he's going to steal my girl-MY GIRL-he wants to try and make me think I kill all these people! Jeez.Like I don't have enough on my shoulders as it is! So.He and Elena get into this fight, right? Yeah, they do. And she storms off in Matt.some ex-boyfriend's car.Only to wind up crashing through the bridge and drowning.Thanks to my BROTHER! So I get all pissed, go maul at a bunch of jocks and set out to kill my brother.But I don't manage to do that, of course. Because Elena appears out of nowhere to break up the fight.But let's not get into that.So lets skip on a few months.Elena died.again."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, she came back, you see. She was a vampire." Stefan looked at the shrink like he was stupid. "But the second time she dies-she dies twice- she's really DEAD. But she comes back again! Joy to the world! So, she's back.but anyway.I have to tell you about what happened the second time she died. I went to go live with Damon in Florence, and come home one morning and he's got this blond bimbo wandering down the steps. It's like 2 AM, mind you. And so I storm into the bedroom and there he is.sitting NAKED- well, almost-on the windowsill.Doing what? Peeling an ORANGE! Why? I don't know. He's got this orange fetish."  
  
The psychiatrist appeared to not be paying attention, for the story was getting more confusing and downright ridiculous by the minute, but heedless, Stefan continued.  
  
"After Elena's little red head friend, who just happens to be psychic, contacts us, we head off to Fells Church. Uh.flash forward a few months and you've got a BIG fight with yet ANOTHER psycho and boom. Elena drops out of the sky. Just like that. Again. Damon storms off. But now its been a while and he's back. And we've had all these fights.with fruit. We were put in an asylum for a time, but we're out. Now, Elena and I are great, and occasionally Damon stops by, but we still go through odd little things. He's got this.mmm. obsession, shall we say, about being short. And now he's added that to the list of 'Why  
  
To Hate Stefan.' Oh! Did I mention, he NEVER calls me by my name? It's always something like 'stupid' or 'twit' or 'LITTLE BROTHER'! Like he should talk! The midget. It gets SO annoying after a while."  
"Why don't you come in for a family session sometime?" The shrink offered, apparently having resumed listening.  
  
"What a lovely idea!" 


End file.
